"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. I gotta get to bed-and brush my teeth, feed the hog, do the laundry, wash the car, still got some homework to do." - Rusty GriswoldĨ. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!" - Ruby Sueĩ. "Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone." - Cousin Eddieġ0. "You just march over there and slug that creep in the face." - Margoġ1. "Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?" - Clarkġ2. "Welcome to our home-what's left of it." - Ellenġ3. "I'm gonna catch it in a coat, and smack it with a hammer!" - Clarkġ4. He read that squirrels are high in cholesterol."ġ5. Clark: "Where's Eddie? He usually eats these things."Ĭatherine, Eddie's wife: "Oh, not recently. "Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer." - Clarkġ6. "When Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!" - Clarkġ7. "You better take a rain check on that, Art-he’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet." - Cousin Eddieġ8. "I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas." - Audreyġ9. "I don't know what to say, but it's Christmas and we're all in misery." - EllenĢ0. "If you want to come in you'll have to break down the goddamn door!" - MargoĢ1. Todd Chester: "Hey Griswold, where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?" Clark: "Bend over and I'll show you."Ģ2. "And why is the carpet all wet, Todddddd?" - Margo Chester (aka Elaine Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the Griswolds' very annoyed and distraught neighbor. "Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down." - EllenĢ4. "Eat my road grit, Liver Lips!" - ClarkĢ6. "Yes, it's a bit nipply out, I mean nippy out." - ClarkĢ7. "Wouldn't be the holiday shopping season if the stores weren't hooter than they-hotter than they are." - ClarkĢ8. "I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul." - ClarkĢ9.
"What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?" - Grandpa Artģ0. "If that thing had nine lives, she just spent ’em all." - Cousin Eddieģ1. "Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?" - Clarkģ2. "I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping." - Ellenģ3. "Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination." - Clarkģ5. "You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant." - Uncle Lewisģ6. It's going in our living room." - Clarkģ7. "Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?" - Audreyģ8. If you rub it for me, I'll give you a whole quarter." - Grandma Griswoldģ9. "Your grandma's got a real painful bur on her heel. "Take a look around you, Ellen! We're at the threshold of hell!" - ClarkĤ0. "It's a one-year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club." - Clark GriswoldĤ1. " She’ll see it later honey, her eyes are frozen shut." - EllenĤ2. Audrey Griswold: "He worked really hard Grandpa." Ellen's dad: "So do washing machines."Ĥ3. I don’t want to spend the holidays dead." - Ellen GriswoldĤ4. Quote them at your next holiday party, needlepoint them on a pillow, and make them your new get-through-the-season mantras.Ĥ5. These are, without a doubt, the best one-liners-and okay, two- to three-liners-from the movie. It's an all-too-relatable case of Murphy's Law, and it'll get you through the grin-and-bear-it moments during those weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year's better than a shot of cousin Eddie's eggnog (though that certainly could help!). But while dealing with wonky lights, getting locked in an attic, reconnecting with hillbilly cousins, and serving an extremely dry turkey (to name a few!), Clark Griswold's (aka Chevy Chase) sense of humor carries him through it. It's a heartwarming tale of a man who just wants to create the perfect Christmas for his family-only to face obstacles at every turn. During the holiday season, there's no better way to get into the yuletide spirit than by watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, oh, roughly two to three times a week.
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